i havent blogged for a while.
ive just had a whole week off work and ive doen fuck all. thats right...nothing!!! guess what...im so boorreeed, i actually wanna go back to work!!

had a little wobble tho, was not fun. about 2 years ago i had alot of trouble with anxiety and panic, it all focused around a new man. i was pretty messed up for a while afterwards. had some counsiling,i cried alot. i thought i'd got it under control but then i moved house and it all came to the surface again. i'm at the point now where i feel ive finally got it under control. i came off the pill, seems i now cant have any of them as they are make me a bit koo koooo! so im back to my hormones doing their own thing?!! its horrible feel like im about 13 again. lots of pain and a spotty chops to go with it, anywho, basicly now the only time i have trouble with anxiety is around my period.
so i get my period this week and the my nan asks me to dinner and i freak!
i should explain that my anxiety is around food and social situations involving food,i would like to clarify i dont have an eating disorder.
so i said yes to my nan spent a whole day worring about it and then rang nan the next day and blew her out, then spent another day feeling really guilty and silly about it.
its not like ive never eaten with my grandparents before just for some reason it was an issue this time.

pisses me right off that i cant control it and be normal like everyone else. i'd love to be able to say yes to things and not spend ages worrying about it all!!!!!!!!